Baby Talk, Baby Talk, It’s a Wonder You Can Walk
I have just returned from a trip and have caught up on most of what was on my TiVo. One of the last shows I watched were the back episodes of How I Met Your Mother. I enjoy this show though I prioritize it low–it’s on at the same time as 90210, which I feel necessary to watch for my continuing studies in teen television (though it’s not nearly as fun as Gossip Girl), and Chuck, which I just like (and catch up with On Demand) so I end up watching How I Met Your Mother on my laptop a few weeks late, usually. On October 25, the episode was entitled “Baby Talk.” If you read this within about a week of my writing this, you can watch the episode here. Otherwise you may have to go to Itunes or wait for a rerun, or you can read a recap at televisionwithoutpity.com.
From cbs.com
In any case, part of the episode featured Robin’s new co-anchor on her morning news show Becky (the blonde), who talks like a little girl. Although Robin, who has a deeper voice and is all around a confident and independent woman (in fact she and Ted broke up in the early seasons because he wanted marriage and kids and she didn’t) finds her infuriating, Ted finds it charming and dates her.
I have often thought about the sort of woman with a little girl voice, and how she got that way. Obviously as a young girl, that sort of woman found that if she talked like that people rushed to her rescue, bought her things, protected her and forgave her faults and if you believe the media it gets her out of tickets. She doesn’t come off as “too smart” or “too independent”–a label that Robin gets in this episode and many of us career women have gotten in the past. It’s supposed to be funny, but I think it’s an important issue.
For those of you reading in my class, you are having a very different college experience than I did. When I took a class my second year called Feminist Theory, Feminist Practice, in a classroom where 15 or so of us (mostly women) sat around a table, the professor made us notice early on how many of us started our statements with qualifiers like “I don’t know if this is right, but” or “I’m not really educated about this but” or made a declarative statement a question by having our voices sound tentative and go up at the end. I learned then at age 19 not to do that, and I think it served me well in my career. It’s interesting that meetings with my fellow faculty are the first place I’ve raised my hand to talk in years, since my instructors in my undergraduate program did not expect that, and in my graduate programs did not object when I didn’t. I am not saying I never qualify my statements, but when I do I’m aware of it.
In any case, I interact with you primarily through written discussion forums and these blogs and in neither case can I hear how you speak (though if you would like to speak on the phone I’d be glad to). I honestly do not know if some of you are these type of women, and wouldn’t try to predict it based on your writing but would be interesting to hear about your experiences if you are like that or if you frequently interact with a friend, relative, co-worker or acquaintance like that.
I enjoy teaching online in part because I can craft what I want to say before I hit “send” in a way I can’t in person where I sometimes can’t spit out what I want to say perfectly, or say the wrong thing. However, I think it’s important to consider your “voices.” To me a classroom is a place where it is OK to respectfully disagree, with your instructor and other students, and I see that some of you are doing that, which I love. I’d like to think your education in general is teaching you to be critical thinkers and good communicators, and that when you make a statement in person, whether in another classroom, at work, or with your friends or family, you’ll consider how to make it with confidence. Hopefully a women’s studies course will help the women in the class see what they are doing as well as the men (OK man) see why they might.
Many of our top movie, television, and music stars, of course, use the little girl voice. Marilyn Monroe is famous for it, as is Melanie Griffith. That was Jessica Simpson’s thing for a while there. When I was trying to find an article I kept running into forums that mention Kim Kardashian about whom I know, blissfully, very little. I’m surprised that I don’t hate Emma Pillsbury on Glee, because she uses it (although I covet her clothes).
Why do you think women use this? Do you admire any celebrities who do? What about if a politician used it?
These articles may get you thinking:
Daum, Meghan. “Little voices of distraction: Why do some many grown-up women sound like Valley Girls?” LA Times. July 7, 2007. http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-daum7jul07,0,7903770.column
Holmes, Anna. “Who’s To Blame For Little-Girl Voices?” Jezebel. June 18, 2007. http://jezebel.com/gossip/top/whos-to-blame-for-little+girl-voices-269879.php
Lisa Anderson replied:
When an adult woman uses a little girl voice, I find it both odd and annoying. Not that a woman should sound like Barry White, but she should sound different from a 1st grader. It plays into the whole “a woman is a dainty creature” or the “woman is a damsel is in distress” idea. I have personal experience with this. My friend’s friend is the “typically” feminine woman – slender, quiet, her personality and intelligence doesn’t overshadow her boyfriend and everyone loves her. She doesn’t offend anyone because she rarely has an opinion. And the men love it. Before she found her boyfriend, every man in a social situation would flock to her because he felt manlier, stronger, and smarter and in control. It didn’t matter that she doesn’t do much other than exercise and sleep late, doesn’t have a job, doesn’t have ambition or drive – she was slim and sounded girly and the men loved her.
November 13, 2010 at 6:09 pm. Permalink.
kheckman76 replied:
I guess I am guilty of using the “little girl” voice from time to time. Usually, it is only with my husband when I am determined to get my way or win an arguement. And I have to say it usually works. Why? I’m not really sure, maybe he thinks I will break down in tears, or perhaps he finds it cute and irresistible?? However, I would never use “the little girl” voice in public or at work. It is inappropriate, immature and downright silly. I think women that talk in that tone are not only degrading themselves but degrading women as a whole. We have come too far in our society to have to resort to this type of behavior. I would think that if a female politician resorted to this type of behavior a)nobody would vote for her and b) nobody would be able to take her seriously!!
November 14, 2010 at 6:14 pm. Permalink.
dcarangelo replied:
Your re-cap of the episode made me remember that I too saw that one, it is also not high on my priority of recorded programs to watch, but I do enjoy it. To me, that little girl voice is annoying, especially to the way it is portrayed on the show. It would be hard for me to take anyone who talked in that manner seriously, especially if it were a politician. A woman with a voice like that comes off as uneducated and inexperienced (if she were some sort of professional, but it’s unlikely one would make it that far if this were the case).
Kim Kardashian is not the only one in her family with “the voice”, her two other sisters are guilty of this as well and with them it is much more pronounced. My wife watches their show and when Khloe is on the TV I need to leave the room, she just sounds like an adult baby.
November 15, 2010 at 3:35 am. Permalink.
elizabetheleven replied:
I do not like Emma’s little girl voice on “Glee” or any of the other ones out there. On the other hand, Sarah Palin’s voice is anything but breathy and shy, but I reach for the mute button every time she’s on TV. Women of my generation were not encouraged to speak out, and that was even truer of the sub-culture in which I lived 20 years of my life as the wife of a U.S. Army officer. The same Army that gave us the statement: “If the Army wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one.” Speaking up or having your opinion was largely frowned upon in military life. I think women who deliberately employ little-girl voices are manipulative and deceitful. If your statements and arguments cannot speak for themselves in your normal voice, well then I say, “Just shut up.” (And I say it with my most polite voice!)
November 15, 2010 at 9:00 pm. Permalink.
melissav76 replied:
I have encountered many women who use the little girl voice, and I have to say that I find it annoying! I’m not sure if they think it makes them sound cute or what, but I am here to tell them that it does NOT! I think it has become “popular”, for lack of a better word, to use the little whiny girl voice to get what you want or to get attention. Dean mentioned earlier the little girl voice of Khloe Kardashian…I turn the channel EVERY time she uses that annoying voice. She uses it because she thinks it counds cute but really it just makes her sound immature, and a tad insane! The little girl voice is meant for talking to babies, or in my case, my dogs (since my children are older now)..it is not meant for the professional world, or the adult world for that matter. If a politician, or any professional, were to use that little girl voice I definately would not take them seriously!
November 16, 2010 at 5:50 pm. Permalink.
gabi823 replied:
I am loud and outspoken and I have a definite opinion on most things and I am not afraid to argue my point. I think that sometimes keeping my opinion to myself would be the better approach but I am just like my mom in that respect. I have a few friends that do the little girl voice and I agree that most people seem to naturally like women like that, but I don’t really care for the mousey woe is me girl, I think someone with an opinion is more interesting. I guess most people either like me or they don’t, I don’t leave room for people to be on the fence.The only time I think I am weak is when it comes to parenting, I have a tough time really sticking to my guns with my daughters, but I am learning!
November 17, 2010 at 2:35 am. Permalink.
liberatingdesiree replied:
I’m guilty of baby talk, but I’m also guilty of fake accents, cartoon voices, etc., mostly around my husband because it makes him laugh. I would never do these voices in public where someone else could hear me because I think I’d lose respect from colleagues and friends.
Whoopi Goldberg does a valley girl impression on The View and it annoys me so much I have to mute the television or change the station. I know after the third or fourth time I did it I went on their website to try to complain or something (I can’t recall at the moment) and I remember seeing the entire forum filled with women complaining about “the voice.” It’s fun to laugh at people when it’s in jest but when it comes from a public figure it’s just disgusting.
November 17, 2010 at 3:40 pm. Permalink.
sward02 replied:
I also don’t understand why a woman would use a “little girl voice” unless she is trying to portray herself as a damsel in distress, who needs help and rescuing by a strong man or who is trying to act and look dumb. I find this really annoying and stupid! Why do women feel the need to be meek and weak? I have to admit that I at times question my own thoughts and ideas around others, but I have never used a little girl voice! It makes one sound insecure and unsure of herself – which is usually what she is. I don’t find the appeal in it either. Do men actually find this voice cute? Do they want to be the one to help this poor girl, to rescue or save her from something? Do they want to protect her? I just don’t get it.
November 23, 2010 at 5:43 pm. Permalink.
WOMEN, SEX AND THE MEDIA replied:
I know a couple of women who have become stars or claimed the career stairs exactly due to this fact – pretending to be small, helpless, talking sweet voice, and sometimes presenting themselves dumper as they actually are. One particular example, who I have followed throughout years is a German star (you won’t probably know) – Verona Feldbusch. She is a major TV star, producer, advertiser and so on… on the German TV. Her main characteristic through out the years was “stupidity”, nevertheless she is an educated, and very smart career woman.
Otherwise, I have noticed it in every-day life – student life, private life, going out at nights… there are quite many women who portray themselves in a certain way, which smetimes includes talking “little girl” voices.
I personally have a rather direct, strong way of being. I don’t pretend anything, and I don’t lie or say nice (false) things in order to manipulate with somebody. I know that this can be of advantage sometimes, however, I prefer to stick to the reality, and not pretend to be somebody else. I have a very strong sense of fairness that I expect from others. And I remember having some communication difficulties with those wanna be “barbie girls”.
November 23, 2010 at 6:52 pm. Permalink.
lenka88 replied:
What an interesting post. I do not use the little girl voice; I find it pretty annoying to listen to and totally the opposite of my strong voice. I use to have class with a blond Swedish girl who really talked in a high-pitch squeaky voice, rarely raising her voice. I found it difficult to understand her, or take what she said seriously. No offense to her as a person, but she wasn’t the brightest student yet the boys would flock after her. It seems to me that from the many different boys I’ve met, they love to be friends with a girl with some intellect but prefer the romantic company of someone who is not as intelligent as they are, probably to avoid getting their male ego hurt. Does anyone else have the same experience?
November 25, 2010 at 2:49 pm. Permalink.
iloveaphysicsgeek replied:
This post really got my gears turning because I am a hesitant speaker. Although I don’t use the little girl voice, I often enter conversations like a gentle wind, weigh how my presence is felt in the circle, and either amp up the confidence or quietly retreat based on the vibes I am picking up from the others. I want to just say what it is that is on my mind, but so many times this has come back to bite me (a boy that doesn’t call or a teacher’s dramatic change in countenance that has me questioning if I made some sort of secret hit-list). You spoke of qualifiers that I am guilty of using. I think I am evolving into a more confident woman from the tentative shell of a lady that started this college journey. I want to teach my girls to soar – I want them to be honest people who are not only honest to others, but who are honest to themselves. I think true confidence stems from honesty.
December 1, 2010 at 5:58 pm. Permalink.